Mystery Date
by Pink Roses and Ivy
Summary: House is curious to find out who Lisa is dating. Will he be sucessful? This incorporates moments from different episodes all rolled into one.


Cuddy walked into her office, her energy almost depleted by midday due to her demanding job as dean of medicine. After closing the door behind her, Cuddy toed off her shoes and walked over to her desk, mentally preparing herself for the hours of paperwork to come. House burst into her office, nearly running her over in the process.

"I need a signature," House said calmly.

Taking the papers from him, Cuddy read the chart. "You want to kill your patient to give his heart to his son?" the brunette looked at the doctor incredulously. "Did you really think I would say yes?"

"The father consented. Isn't that what your always hounding me about?" House replied sarcastically.

"His judgment is a little clouded at the moment and this hospital is not in the practice killing patients off to benefit others."

House noticed the smudges under her eyes from sleep deprivation and the slight strain in her voice. "What's the matter Cuddles, rough morning? You should just do the logical thing and SIGN THE FORM so we can both get on with things."

"Either come up with a different diagnosis or tell your patient that there's nothing we can do. Bye House," Cuddy said in dismissal as she sat in her chair.

"Fine. There's always another way," House muttered.

"House…" Cuddy growled. "You bet not to anything to get this hospital sued again!"

"Of course not!" House said feigning a look of innocence. A devious smirk covered his face as he limped faster out of her office.

"House I'm not joking, " her voice and expression all seriousness.

"Relax Cuddles. You'll still have a hospital when this is all over.

Two hours later

A man who looked distinctively like House's patient was being rushed into the ER after having heart failure. He happened to be a perfect blood type match to his son, who was an inch away from death. After finding out what caused the heart failure Cuddy sought House out.

Barging into his office, Cuddy started without preamble. "Good thing he knew aspirin would put the least amount of stress on the heart,' a sardonic expression crossed her face.

"Yeah good thing. Wouldn't want junior to get a bad heart or anything," House replied sarcastically.

"You're lucky the board can't prove you had anything to do with this. They would force me to fire you. This was completely unethical."

"They wouldn't do that. I'm the best doctor in this hospital and everyone knows it."

Cuddy strode to his desk, stopping inches away from him. "You're a brilliant doctor who couldn't get himself hired at a blood bank. I got you cheap."

"You gave me everything because one night I gave you everything."

"Don't delude yourself House. Get over me. Stop looking at my ass when you think I'm not looking, stop staring at my breast and making crude comments, and stop thinking about me while you're in the shower. That ship sailed a long time ago." Cuddy began to walk out of his office.

"If you're still referring to your ass, that super tanker sailed a long time ago would be a more precise metaphor."

With a quick laugh Cuddy looked at him over her shoulder, trying to be angry with him but knowing she couldn't. "I'm still mad at you."

"But Cuddles…" House whined. The door to his office closed as she strode down the hallway in a pair of her ice pick heels. House smiled as she walked away, enjoying the sway of her hips and the way her pencil skirt hugged the curve of her backside. Cuddy threw him a final knowing look over her shoulder as she reached the end of the hall. He grinned fiendishly and gave her two thumbs up.

Realizing it was Wilson's lunchtime house decided to head down to the cafeteria to get snag a free lunch. Spotting his friend making his selection house took a tray and a plate and got in line behind him. "Hi Jimmy boy!" "I'll have a ribeye." After receiving his steak, House covered it completely in a bed of salad.

"You do know that's stealing right?"

"What are you complaining about? This way you're only paying for my salad."

Shaking his head Wilson went to pay for their lunches.

As they sat at their usual table, House asked "so what's up Jimmy boy?"

"I've got tickets to go and see the monster trucks tonight. Do you want to go?"

House looked at Wilson curiously. "You're hiding something. What else is going on tonight?"

"Why do you think something else is going on? You love monster trucks. I just thought you'd enjoy going."

House's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Wilson I can tell when you're lying. The only reason you would be lying is if you were trying to keep me occupied and the only reason you'd be doing that is to keep me from…" House's eyes lit with dawning comprehension. "Cuddy has a date tonight. She asked you to keep me busy so I wouldn't find out. Gee Wilson you're a real pal." House said sarcastically as he gathered his tray. "I'm going to go have lunch with coma guy. He never keeps secrets from me," House said in a voice full of mock hurt.

House sat in a comatose patient's room with his tray propped up on the body and General Hospital playing. After his soaps went off, House hooked up his play station and found a bag of chips he'd stashed in the room. After he'd been playing for an hour Cuddy walked in.

"Shouldn't you be in the clinic?"

"Can't. I'm saving the world from invading aliens. They like to pretend their hospital administrators who can keep secrets." Cuddy yanked the power cord out of the wall. "House, Clinic, NOW! And how many times have I told you to stop eating over patients?" Cuddy said as she brushed potato chip crumbs from the coma patient's gown.

"But Moooom!" house whined.

"House if you don't get in the clinic right now, I'll double your hours in there for the rest of the week!"

"You can barely get me to do the normal amount of hours, how do you plan on enforcing that threat?" House replied unworried.

"I'll take away your toys: the TV in your office, your Game boy and your parking space!"

"You wouldn't…"

"Try me!"

"Get your ass in the clinic." Cuddy said with a victorious smirk as she left.

House sighed dramatically trying to figure out a way to get rid of the idiots in the clinic. After his fourth patient who brought in their kid for a runny nose, House decided he'd had enough. "Ok! Listen up. Who here is actually sick?" Everyone in the waiting room raised their hand. "I'll give whoever is not _really_ sick fifty bucks to leave." Several people began to crowd around him. Cuddy came out of an exam room with a patient file and saw the commotion.

"House! What are you doing? These people are sick!"

"They're not really sick or they wouldn't be taking the money."

Pulling him into an empty exam room Cuddy studied him in silence. "Let's see…how can I make this interesting for you? I'll give you twenty dollars for every patient you can diagnose without touching. And you pay me for everyone you do touch."

"You're turning this into a game for me? What? You think the more patients I see the humble I'll become?"

"Yes!" Cuddy replied passionately. "You need to learn to care about something other than yourself and learn how to respect other people."

'I already do and she's right in front of me,' House thought to himself. With a smirk House shook her hand. "You're on."

At the end of the day she owed house $100 because he'd found a reason to touch five of his female patients.

House went to her office to collect his dues. As he entered her office he watched her put on her coat and a bright red scarf and matching hat. "You're not really going out with some mystery man are you?"

Cuddy looked at him in surprise. "How did you…"

"Party pants should really password protect her computer better if she doesn't want people to randomly find things. You met him on the internet. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to go off meeting strangers?"

"Why do you care what I do? Or who I date? You do your best to make me miserable."

"Do I make your life miserable?" House asked quietly, looking at her from beneath his lashes.

"You make me so angry sometimes, that I want to strangle you. You defy my authority every chance you get. You start rumors that run rampant around my hospital about us and do everything you can to ruin my dates. So YES, sometimes you make _me_ miserable…but no, you don't make my life miserable."

Standing in front of her, House stroked her face gently. Tilting her face up to his, he slowly lowered his head to kiss her. It was a soft kiss, more gentle than she'd ever expected from him. Her lips parted beneath his and his tongue dipped into her mouth to find its mate. Her breath caught when their tongues met and began to move in a battle for control. He deepened their kiss and slowly brought her body closer to his. Suddenly remembering they were in her office with the blinds opened, Cuddy pulled back, breaking the kiss, but didn't move away. Looking into her eyes, House knew what he wanted and saw something reflected in her eyes. She pulled away from him as foreman entered her office.

"House we have a case." Foreman was looking into the file and missed what he'd walked in on.

"I'll be there in a minute," House said gruffly.

"We have business to settle." House said as Forman closed the door and headed toward the diagnostics office.

"Go tend to your patient. We can talk later." Cuddy grabbed her purse.

"Are you still going out with him?"

Cuddy gave him a sexy, winning smile. "There is no him. I was never going out with anyone tonight." She strolled out of her office, leaving a shocked House staring after her. A smile crossed his face as he realized that Cuddy and Wilson had finally pulled one over on him.


End file.
